Learn to forgive yourself and start the journey of inner healing
Written by Laurie Pinkins
The need for self-forgiveness may be difficult to identify. It requires you to recognize uncomfortable emotions and feelings. However, in order to make peace within and progress on your inner journey, it requires you forgive yourself.
The practice of forgiving yourself is a choice. Being eager to move on and skipping this process is a sign of avoidance. Unforgiveness for yourself will inevitable appear in unhealthy patterns and coping mechanisms in your life. Here are tips to help you take the steps to forgive yourself.
1. Acknowledge what you did.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are off the hook for what happened. It’s also normal to feel guilty. However, in order to heal you must be honest about what truly happened. This is not to say unfair circumstances or trauma are your fault. Self-forgiveness is acknowledging where you had the responsibility to make a decision to change course and did not. Thus resulting in you or someone else being hurt.
Focus on the details of the situation and not your guilt or emotions. In order to gain an in-depth understanding. Acknowledge the details, view the actions you could have done differently, and move forward. Life is not perfect and neither are you. We all have faults. Admit where you were wrong and continue on our healing journey.
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”
1 John 1:8-10 KJV
2. Acknowledge your feelings.
Your emotions and feelings are real to you, however they cannot dictate how your respond.
Take time to evaluate the true source of your emotions and feelings. Once, you recognize their source, acknowledge how you feel by writing them down. This will bring you more clarity. Take control of your negative emotions and feelings by replacing them with feelings that will actual provide a healthy solution. Write down how you feel and why. Let’s start with anger. You may find the source of your anger is really because you do not have established healthy boundaries.
“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” 2Corinthians 10:5 KJV
3. Apologize
Holding on to negative thoughts of anger, resentment, and bitterness can be detrimental to your mental and physical health. Pride is at the root of unforgiveness. Releasing yourself from the effects of unforgiveness when you have knowingly or unknowingly caused harm toward someone is essential to your healing journey. Apologize with your words and changed behavior.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.“ -James 5:6 ESV
Having negative emotions when apologizing can make people feel uncomfortable and may cause for your apology to not be received properly or accepted. Be sure to process your emotions before reconciling with the person you have caused harm to. Unprocessed emotions may cause farther harm and derail your healing process. It’s ok to apologize.
Try these apology statements:
I did not realize I hurt you or caused you harm
I apologize for my actions
I was selfish in my view of the situation
I hear your pain I’m responsible for
I’m sorry
4. Make changes.
Although you may have never seen the example of self-forgiveness or forgiveness of others modeled, it can start with you. You are one decision away from walking in forgiveness, by making the choice to forgive. Rehearsing the past will only keep you stagnant in your healing process.
“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offence up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.”
– Gary Chapman
Be kind to yourself. Forgiving yourself is a process. It is more important for you to learn from life’s circumstances. Rather than placing blame, exaggerating, or under-playing what happened. It is essential to gain perspective. Forgiveness is an action word. Affirm, I forgive myself, I ask GOD for forgiveness, and I ask those who I may have harmed for forgiveness. Once the words have been spoken, change can begin to occur. Start with changing your environment. Go for a walk to clear your mind and talk to GOD. Ask HIM for the direction on the next steps for sustainable change.
YOU CAN CHANGE.
“Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.”- John 16:13
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Give yourself credit for taking the steps to forgive yourself. Being able to forgive yourself for past events or wrong doings is a key component to your inner-healing journey. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable in order to make peace with your past. Show empathy toward yourself and others when reconciling and coming to terms with past hurts.
Self-forgiveness will benefit your mental and physical health, while freeing you to reach your fullest potential.
GOD sees you as worthy and loves you. “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well” Psalm 139:14, KJV
To find self-forgiveness tips visit our YouTube page https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZtDyS5tI9sHDQC_JNknyJQ
